Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
