I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
