Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
