One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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