so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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