i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
