found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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