I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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