I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
