Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
