What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
