I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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