3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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