hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
