how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
there was a trapeze. enough said
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
