I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize