Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
