My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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