got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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