I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
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