How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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