if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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