I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
