I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
