dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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