Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
