At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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