She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
