please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
