T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
