This house was built for laser tag.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
