Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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