I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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