They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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