I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
