I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
