As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
