i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
