dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
