Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
