Moan for me like Helen Keller
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Randomize
