My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize