Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
