he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We're too hungover to prance.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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