The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
