Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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