i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
