the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
