So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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