He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
