I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
