just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize