You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
