An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
