Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
