This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
