I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I will pee on everything he values.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
