thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
