I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
