I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
