i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
