I will die if light touches me.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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