Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
