Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
