I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
porn star boner night. come get it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
